I Walk a Crooked Mile

I found out yesterday morning after my walk that I can’t walk a straight line. I walk the straight and narrow pretty much most of the time and have most of my life but who thinks about how they walk, right? After my walk yesterday I checked my path on this fancy pedometer app I have on my phone. It shows my route and clocks my steps and even plays my music. I like it but was so amused and a bit surprised to view my very crooked walk on my phone. I never think about how straight I walk but the red line on this map showed I walk like a drunken sailor. Please no comments about me once being one. Such is the story of my entire life. I think I am walking straight, but really I am just a crooked walker. There was a crooked man who walked a crooked mile and I am she.

I have noticed while walking with traffic, I tend to veer towards the car coming up behind me then and as it passes by me. I am like a moth to a flame, not wanting to be hit by a car, but my natural magnetic current inside wants to veer and I find myself struggling and thinking hard about not stepping into traffic and then I lose my train of thought. When I pass a person on the walking path I have the same tendencies. Am I naturally attracted to where I am not supposed to be? Steve and I always had this “discussion” as I always ran into him when we walked anywhere. It was the strangest thing, but I always veered his way making him give up ground and walked into him much too many times to tell.  No matter the side he walked on, I wanted it too. He didn’t like to walk with me. I never noticed that I did it and I just thought he was being dramatic and secretly thought he was the crooked walker, not me. So imagine my reality check to see me doing it as I walk alone each morning. He was right all along. I guess I have a hard time walking a straight line.

I also realized how conditioned I am to the rules of the road as I walked along that walking path this morning. I always stay on my side of the path even if no one else is on it with me hugging the edge of the sidewalk like an obedient dutiful citizen. I am programmed to walk like I was trained to drive. (Oh goodness if I am a crooked walker, I must be a crooked driver too, do you think?)On the way back I decided to walk down the center of my concrete walking path and do you know what? I didn’t focus on falling off the edge as much and it made it easier to walk. I had missed out on this for so long (well only a month actually) this wonderful walking freedom.  As I walked in this new found freedom I heard God saying to me it is my choice to walk in the center, the world tries its hardest to get us to stumble off the edge and to strive to focus on not falling off. It is a distraction. If I walk in the middle, the kingdom road, people will have plenty of room to pass if they choose or walk along side, but I need to choose to walk freely unencumbered down the center path.

I noticed after that mini revelation, that I was so much more focused and relieved. I wasn’t constantly wondering if I was going to slip and sprain an ankle or worse fall down face first sprawled out in someone’s front lawn there by making a fool of myself and then I would not be able to walk the path anymore because of the humiliation it would bring. (Yup I took you via that run on sentence to the place my mind wanders while on the edge) I totally owned the middle ground this morning and loved it and continued to the end of my walk. I was also walking faster and thinking clearer because I knew if someone wanted to get around me they could because the path was wide enough. Even if I might have to move one step over to allow a walking twosome by, I still had plenty of room to keep me from the edge. I know this sounds stupid but I am breaking out of an old mindset and setting up a new and improved one for myself.

So now the pressure is off of me. I am a crooked walker and will walk a crooked mile or two down the center of my life’s path. You can walk beside me if you dare and we will walk crookedly together even crossing into each other’s path sometimes.  I also Iearned on my crooked little walk today l that I am attracted to what is bad for me and attracted to what is good for me too, people. I know that as long as I stay in the middle I should be alright and it is my choice to walk right down the middle. So you see, the path can be as crooked as need be to get the job done and that job is moving toward my goal in life to finish well.