The Do Over

I am fifty years old and am standing at the same doors of life I stood years ago when I graduated from Salmen High School in Slidell Louisiana. What will I do with my life now? Where will I go what will I do? So many years and experiences have passed since that day so many years ago. I am wondering now what my dreams were back then. I know one was to travel around the world, so I joined the Navy. I figured it was a good place to start and it provided me a job too and a bit of adventure. More than had I stayed home I think.

Another dream was to find a husband eventually and get married and have a family.  I wasn’t looking mind you, but Steve showed up out of nowhere and stole my heart and that put an end to my traveling abroad. We mostly traveled in California, Louisiana and settled here in Alabama but Steve and I did make it to Ireland in 2009.  I love my family and loved my life with Steve, well most of it at least. We had ups and downs like most marriages, but our love remained through it all. I lost him 6 months ago and here I stand, again asking myself what will I do with my life. I have just watched two movies about what these men’s lives would have been like if they had chosen their first path and of course that path turned out to have been the best choice all along. I might have altered my path a bit, but I do not regret it at all and feel my first path equal to this second “Do Over” path.

I am blessed to have so many life experiences behind me and also to have such wonderful family support. My girlfriends have pushed my confidence level to new highs and I now feel so young and hopeful not depressed and worthless. I will probably make better choices at least I hope I will. Years ago I made choices and didn’t consult with God to see if they were in His plans for my life. I think because I wanted to travel, He wanted me to travel and was in process of giving me my heart’s desire. It was my choice to fall in love and marry Steve putting those plans on permanent hold. Don’t get me wrong, my choice was covered by God and I am glad of that choice because I would never have had my wonderful perfect (mom’s viewpoint) children. I am saying God took my choice and cleaned it up for me; He polished it so now we shine brightly for all to see. I never consider that choice a mistake, just a side step. I had my cake and got to eat it too.

I am now back on that path I left so many years ago, well sort of. I have to sell my house first so I can return to Slidell to step on the golden pathway of my wonderful new life.  (Whew sounds like a country song.) I am sure my house sale is also in God’s perfect timing for my life. I am just so blessed to have a “Do Over”. This time wanting to find a husband isn’t a pressing matter for me,  well  it is not even a matter for me at all.  I just have to find a job to find the money to travel now. Some have suggested writing a book.  Who reads books anymore?  I will just blog about it now from wherever in the world I happen to be. Isn’t it funny, me talking about such big plans? It’s okay, I’m not crazy, just hopeful. Without this hope I would not be here so let me indulge myself please. I will respect my “Do Over” and hopefully do just as well as I did the first time around, but this time making decisions about my life from a new perspective and with God’s help. I left as a rebellious teenager and am now a seasoned adult with high hopes. One, two, three, everybody sing “She’s got high hopes, she’s got high hopes. She’s got high apple pie in the sky hopes”