Do you know what God did for me yesterday? He sent a friend to drag me out of the house (yes it is considered dragging when the rain is falling, the bed feels warm and snuggly, and I still have coffee in the house) to see beyond my walls and naval gazing, to attend a church service. To further put my life into proper perspective, a friend called to tell me of another friend of hers whose husband just died suddenly before Thanksgiving. It seems I am not the only lonely widow this holiday season and I need to recognize that and snap out of it. I was so happy to have a mission outside of myself to pray for this new widow and her family and to lift my head again to see the world carrying on. How wonderful and kind God is to lift my chin again. The Sonshine burst forth through the gloominess of this rainy day seeing God’s people at church today. Their love and concern warmed my heart. God won’t allow me to look down for long because He knows it is bad for my health.
Another interesting thing that has happened to me has to do with my first name Cheryl. I never use that name nor liked it very much, no offense to Cheryl’s everywhere, I just prefer the more unique middle name I was given, Renee. I always thought it was more interesting since there is an accent in it which I have yet learned how to type, so I will tell you that it is over the second to last ‘e’. Two weeks ago, I went for some ministry at a local church and the lady who ministered to me was named Cheryl. We chatted about us both being of the same name, a little small talk but not giving much thought to it. The incredible part was I was attuned to my first name. Then yesterday my friend called about her friend named Cheryl whose husband died suddenly so I started to wonder, what does Cheryl mean? I knew Renee meant reborn, but had never given much thought to what Cheryl meant. I looked it up, and it means beloved or dear one.
Another interesting thing that has happened to me has to do with my first name Cheryl. I never use that name nor liked it very much, no offense to Cheryl’s everywhere, I just prefer the more unique middle name I was given, Renee. I always thought it was more interesting since there is an accent in it which I have yet learned how to type, so I will tell you that it is over the second to last ‘e’. Two weeks ago, I went for some ministry at a local church and the lady who ministered to me was named Cheryl. We chatted about us both being of the same name, a little small talk but not giving much thought to it. The incredible part was I was attuned to my first name. Then yesterday my friend called about her friend named Cheryl whose husband died suddenly so I started to wonder, what does Cheryl mean? I knew Renee meant reborn, but had never given much thought to what Cheryl meant. I looked it up, and it means beloved or dear one.
So God is surrounding me with beloved, dear ones, and letting me know that I am a beloved, dear one. Cheryl has one more meaning, it also means bright. It didn't specify whether that means like the sunshine bright or just smart, so I will claim both. So there it was, my secret identity hidden in my own self rebellion all those years. Maybe I am being reborn into the Cheryl I never knew and always kept hidden. Only the government and doctor’s offices knew me by this name, but now, who knows, I may walk in it more. I am beloved and I am a dear one to some and I am bright(notice it didn't say brilliant)in all areas of my life with the exceptions of math and science. Someone is bound to hire me with all that I have going for me, right?
I look forward to these special nuggets my Father sends to me, so much so that I am constantly looking for more. I am hungry for them because I believe they are very special hugs from God, a kind of a wink and a nod my way to say, I am still surrounding you my daughter. I get so school girl giddy when He does silly things like this for me. Does anyone know what I am talking about? Just a glance from Him infuses me with a jolt of His love and this makes me know that I am okay for now, I am not forgotten. I am glad to say I know the love of God because I cannot imagine going through this without His love. I need hope, I need faith, and I need love. The greatest being His love.
Thank you for your love and thank you for reaching out to me through your people who hugged me yesterday and today. Who would have thought the gift of touch was such an essential part of my healing process. I have been avoiding going out into the public to escape the sympathetic looks which make me cry but now I realize I have to get out more. I had said to someone or maybe even on this blog, that I felt like a mushroom right now. This is so contrary to my nature. I love sunflowers, they are my favorite flowers because they are always looking up constantly seeking the sun. I think if I were a flower this is what I would be. It has been so unnatural for me to be seeking the darkness of a rainy day or the cave I have made of my home. I am a beloved sunflower, not a me centric mushroom and it is time to get out more. I need my Sonshine.
Thank you for your love and thank you for reaching out to me through your people who hugged me yesterday and today. Who would have thought the gift of touch was such an essential part of my healing process. I have been avoiding going out into the public to escape the sympathetic looks which make me cry but now I realize I have to get out more. I had said to someone or maybe even on this blog, that I felt like a mushroom right now. This is so contrary to my nature. I love sunflowers, they are my favorite flowers because they are always looking up constantly seeking the sun. I think if I were a flower this is what I would be. It has been so unnatural for me to be seeking the darkness of a rainy day or the cave I have made of my home. I am a beloved sunflower, not a me centric mushroom and it is time to get out more. I need my Sonshine.
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