FSBO Loving Home

Today I actually gave myself a break and didn’t quit a job before taking it. I am learning about e-filing income taxes and the training is ridiculous.  I really was beginning to doubt my intelligence and my sanity yesterday as I sat in my living room crying about how awful it was. It was not easy when the program is full of glitches and errors making me think it was me. I was comforted by the man who is running the show today who told me I was in the same boat with them because they all had the same problems too. I am not as fearful and unsure today, but I wouldn’t come to me to file anything harder than easy peasy taxes. I left for lunch to go home to try to finish at home, bad idea so I will go back tomorrow.

It is strange, when I left the office I made a beeline, like a drug addiction to get back home. I had other errands to run yesterday and today which I never got to because I couldn’t get home to the comfort of my lair fast enough. I am addicted to my home and hate to be away from it for any length of time. Even though I don’t know where anything is in it anymore, I still feel a sense of security and healing here. It is my sanctuary right now in the tumult of my present state of life. I enter the front door and such warmth comes over me and I don’t want to leave. Is it the residual sounds of my children’s laughter down the hall or the love that oozes from the sheetrock? Whatever it is, my house loves me and it and Millie surround me and comfort me right now. Sad as it sounds, it is all I have until I leave Selma.

It is ironic the work I need done. Steve helped build so many homes with Habitat here in Selma but the repairs to our home are still needed. I have doorframes to mend from our boys rough housing long ago. My nephew was led to believe the door was locked, so he busted the door in like they do on television. We laugh about it now, but still it must be repaired as does another door. So many repairs with good and bad memories attached to each one. I will have to google to see if I can even attempt such a repair. My skills are meager limited to patching, painting and nailing, but I am willing to give it a shot. I do have a light switch repair friend who I will ask to replace a worn out switch. Many good memories in this house, with many repairs to be done but mostly surface stuff, she is a solid, strong house built with lots of love. She will live longer than I probably, and I hope whoever buys her feels the love poured into this place.

She is my port in this storm right now and I would love to stay and be here always. Unfortunately if I don’t leave, I can’t finish what I am to do with my life. She was our shelter, and a great place to raise our children. We have been so protected here in this neighborhood. A tornado came through several years back and this side of our neighborhood happened to be the side that was spared the property damage the other side got. We even put up our neighbors for a couple weeks after that storm in this house. She is a very welcoming house and I believe will be a fine house for the next people to receive the blessing of her. I will help by putting her makeup on, but it will be up to the next owners to decide what she will wear on her floors, walls and window treatments.

I need to withdraw from my need for this place so God is detaching me as nicely as He can by my recent excursions away from here. Jesus didn’t have a place to rest his head, but I do and I am richly blessed. Soon I will be a nomad living off the goodness of my parents or friends or who knows where I am sent. I do not know even the day I will leave, I just know I have to leave and I know I will when it is time. When I release, I will get release.

 Steve is still here in this place no not physically, don’t call the shrink yet, but the echoes of his presence are. The conversations, laughter and even the hammering of the nails when we built this house still reverberate through every inch of it. I‘m afraid I will miss it more than I think, because that is how I feel about my childhood home lost to Katrina. When I dream sometimes I am back in that house and I see it as I did as a child. I have imprinted on this home, so I believe when I leave here, I will dream about this place instead of my childhood home, perhaps.  At least that is my hope for now, so until I leave, I am here waiting on God to send the perfect family to love my home and feel her love them back. I can’t wait to meet them. For Sale by Owner: Loving Home...