Joy comes in the Mourning

Joy comes in the mourning.  Yes I know.  How can this be, so soon?  Well here is how, family.  I am visiting with my son, Mathu, witnessing his proposal of marriage to his girlfriend Amy, the love of his life. Today is also his birthday. You just can't help but be happy around such wonderful family events. Life is moving on despite our sadness. Mathu called us when Steve was home for his birthday on October 9. He told us his plans over our speaker phone together. Steve made fun of me when I cried about the happy news and ten day later he passed away. Tears are appropriate  in joy and sadness aren’t they?

My family surrounded me during the week it took to have the memorial service for Steve, he died in Minnesota and we are in Alabama and it took a few days to get him home.  God blessed us with that wonderful week together to begin the healing process with each other. We remembered good times, cried, and yes we laughed and even sang.  We had a bonfire every night and just enjoyed each other’s company.  My one son, Ryan, stayed at a friend’s home down the street, and every morning when he and his wife, Shannon and my granddaughter, Hannah who is 18mths, came in the house, her little smile just filled my heart, and my home with such joy. I have renamed her JOY.

During this time also, my friends, and family,  brought food, encouragement, and love to our little house. Honestly we didn’t need for anything.  Food, toilet paper, even Kleenex was brought in and an occasional bottle of blackberry wine. We celebrated our family and the fruitfulness of our union which  now included wives, a granddaughter,  a myriad of friends and friends of friends. A cute neighbor dog even took up  with us and won’t leave.  Years ago a church friend told me I was as strong as the cedars of Lebanon. I laughed because I knew this was so far from true.This came back to me that week as I watched my children stand so strong. We laughed often about us raising trees, since all my kids were much taller than I am, not a great feat since I am only 5’2. Even a cedar has to be small at one time, but it grows strong over time. I watched my saplings grow beyond me.  Seeing my forest surrounding me, being strong for each other, and for me, I have never been more proud as a mother, and yes much joy leapt in my heart at their courage and love.

I am also proud of my parents, who came and stayed. How hard it is for parents to watch their child in pain? They were so strong for us and continue to be. I am proud to be their daughter. My siblings, each came, all 5 of them which is really a tough thing to do with kids, school and work. Their support brought much joy to me because even though we are separated by miles, our hearts are still connected. I fed on their love and strength. And then there were the church friends, acquaintances, strangers who were Steve’s trucker friends, even my sweet mail lady who touched my heart.  Joy can come in mourning, and I am nearly overdosed. It overwhelms my senses sometimes and I cry. When people hug me I wonder, is it a self pity cry, is it a mourning cry, or is it a how sweet are God’s people cry? I tend to go with the how sweet are God’s people, since they seem like tears of joy.   I still float on prayers, and all this joy stuff could change any moment, but I don’t think so. I love joy too much. So can you walk and float at the same time? I am.