I say God is my spouse, my provider, my strongtower. I often wonder sometimes if I believe my own words. I got a miracle yesterday that really made me dance and shout and cry alot. One of my biggest fears is the IRS. Steve always would tease me about being fearful of the revenuers. I never want to do anything wrong and least of all get on the bad side of the IRS. Don't ask me where that came from, maybe watching too many news stories.
Anyway, a few days after Steve's memorial service, I receieved a notice from them saying we under reported in 2008 and we owed them money. I will only say it was more than 500.00. I set the letter aside and figured, great, I will deal with that in a couple of weeks. I know Steve was gone, but I really was mad at him about this. Knowing my fear, how could he not report all our income? He knew how important all those receipts were and of course he knew of my fear of the IRS bogie man. I felt like he had let me down and failed me. I really don't have the funds to be paying stuff like this right now. My resources are very limited.
Yesterday, I decided to pay the bogey man. I opened the letter again, gulped at the amount as I read through and read that we both had to sign this paper agreeing to the amount. If I signed his name, it would be forgery and I would be thrown in jail. (well that is what my mind told me) So I called the number to ask what I should do.
After holding for an assister (their word not mine) for thirty minutes he answered. He identified himself as Mr. So and So and gave me an identification number for him. I got to say I nearly passed out from my nerves. This was so serious a matter that the IRS identify by numbers? Is that so people won't hunt them down? Anyway as he was looking up my account I told him I really had only one question. If my husband is deceased, should I sign his name? Won't that be forgery? He said to just put deceased by the name. Then he asked when he had died and I told him. He said hold on mam, let me take care of this for you.
I held on and held my breath too. What was he doing? It took a few minutes so I wiled away the moments by crying a bit from fear? from sorrow, from anger? who knows, just another wave I guess. The man came back on the phone and said he had taken care of it and I should be getting a letter in the mail in a few weeks. I asked him how much do I owe now? Did he extend me? He said no it was wiped clean and I would owe nothing. NOTHING? After I collected myself because I was crying harder now, I thanked him, and yes I blessed the IRS agent with a sincere God bless you as I hung up the phone.
My provider, my strongtower, my perfect spouse, had already gone before me in this matter, and taken away my bogey man fear. I just let loose and began sobbing so hard at the realization of my miracle. I am so small Lord that you would take this time to do that for me. I am deeply humbled and I feel your love and your mantle so strong sometimes I feel I will fall over.
A friend called about the time I was winding down. Poor thing, I think she, like everyone else, thinks I sit here sobbing all day about my loss. Little do they know, tears are happy too.
Steve always said "God loves you but he loves me a little bit more" I felt this yesterday. I often thought does he really believe that? Well guess what, I believe it now. I am walking through this.....
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