Land Mines

I left to go back home to Lousisiana yesterday. I picked up my daughter in Mobile so she could spend time here with us over the Christmas holidays too. It is impossible to be in the same town as my darling Hannah, the light of my heart right now, without seeing her, so we all had a nice lunch together. My heart danced once again, and lightened up quite a bit from my downward spiral on Saturday. And yes it was great to see Ryan and Shannon too but they didn't sit in my lap like my Hannah did. She was too precious and loving to her old MeMere. Our time together though very short was just enough medicine to get me the rest of the way home without crying. Mary and I had some great time visiting in the car talking about important things in her life. I was beginning to feel lighter already.

We got to my parents home, they were at church decorating for Christmas service and we were able to unpack and unwind before more greetings and a possible breakdown. I did fine through the unpacking and then I spotted a decoration I had made of our entire family that set me off again. These things are like land mines, planted all over my life and they go off at the most ridiculous times over the most unimportant things. How can a gingerbread man be so lethal to the state of joy I am so actively pursuing right now? I do not want to mourn at Christmas. I want to dance and be merry in a clean field of sunflowers, not dance around land mines in the condition of my life right now.

Another mine went off this morning when my sister called the house. Steve always called here early in the morning and late in the evening and of course several times during the day on my cell. It just brings back so many memories of watching my mom’s expression at how many times a day we talked. I am glad we talked a lot now, but at the time it could be exasperating while trying to visit here with family and trying to pay some attention to him as well. No one can understand how alone he was and our conversations were many times to get him through a sleepy spell or a rough patch. I was pretty torn most times when he called but always answered and stayed on the phone as long as needed.

I am sure those were only the first of many mines to come at me, I feel like I am on high alert right now looking for them to keep from stepping on them. They hurt so bad who wants to step on one, right? The Lord reminds me walking can be painful while in recovery, but it must happen to recover properly and quickly, so bring them on I guess. I am wincing as I type this because I feel pain. I have something to look forward to today to distract me from the pain. My niece Aly, will be a pirate today in a play at school.  She is so entertaining, I expect I will enjoy my time with her and look forward to her performance. Her excitement is enough to lift anyone’s spirits.

I guess mines come in all shapes and sizes, some painful, some funny, some sweet moments with a friend. The key is not to look for the bad ones, I guess. So I will walk on, not looking down, looking up and hoping my day will be filled with the funny, wild and zany mines of my niece today. Who can tell what will happen, I will be with family, it is all good no matter what I step on right? If they won’t help me when I fall who will? I am hoping for the best Christmas ever, even though it should be the worst one ever for me. I am putting on my best face and putting my best foot forward so here’s to praying for the best possible outcome ever, Cheers.