I had to get out of bed this morning, nature called Millie, and she called me. So I got up and let my prayer dog out into the cold morning air, then ran back to warmth of my bed. For that brief time, my bed had remained warm but I felt the cold cling to my face and I could feel it attacking, trying to get in. Many times I take a hot tub bath, my body just gets so toasty warm as I soak away the day’s weariness, then I get out, towel off and remain warm for a while before the cold infects me and I reach for my robe. The key is when my core temperature is regulated I am good. I give this example because it is how I feel under this widow’s mantle of God. He is my perfect core temperature, and to remove myself from it causes such shivering in my soul that I can’t stand it. I am unable to function properly. I begin to suffer hypothermia of my soul and am unable to think straight, act right, or even pray properly. My exposed parts start to go numb and then begin to darken.
I used the think the mantle was only here in my house and didn’t leave the house with me. I felt so vulnerable at the store the first time I had to venture out, until I realized no one was shopping there who knew me to speak a word of condolence to me. It was then I realized my mantle was on my shoulders and came with me like a shawl. I had envisioned a mantle like a heavy blanket but it isn't, it is more like a shawl much more portable and fashionable. Last week was six weeks since Steve died and it was the week I was pushed back out into the world again. I enjoyed my outings into town, almost daring people to come up to me so I could test myself and my tear response time. God again was kind, I met a fellow widow and some people from church people did pretty well. I did notice that I pulled the mantle tighter around my shoulders when I felt like I would fall to pieces. It was all part of my reentry process and he surrounded me with safe people. God knew what I could process and this week my circle may widen again.
I love the closeness of God right now, He is so warm and comfortable and I really think I could try to take full advantage of His goodness much like a spoiled child. Daddykins could I have a pony, I feel so lousy right now (as I curl up in his lap tugging gently on his beard). You know the manipulation technique. I think my daddy would give me that pony but how would I feed it? This is a trap I must be careful to avoid. God is even protecting me from myself right now. I am protected under this mantle, but my sin nature is still in here with me. So yes I struggle and try to keep the planning and thinking to God. He goes before me, behind me and beside me in everything and I trust him. I do not trust myself; I have a bad habit of not making wise decisions.
Oh and this mantle isn’t so heavy or too warm that I would want to remove it. This mantle is the perfect accessory to anything I wear and is always in style. It has many looks but mine happens to be a widow’s mantle right now. After walking in the coldness of the world for so many years I find that as I age I take a chill more quickly now. The cold gets deeper into my bones so I need to monitor my core temperature at all times. This helps keep my wits about me so I won’t be taken advantage of. I am aware that there are highwaymen out there, so I draw my mantle about me for protection against them and walk on. As I walk against the cold blasts of the world, my core remains warm, but my extremities are cold to the touch. My heart is always protected under this mantle so the rest of my body always warms up eventually. I am diligent about protecting my heart, the core of my being my relationship with the Father, because once it stops I will fall asleep and never wake up. I have to keep moving because hypothermia is sneaky and whispers to me about resting and giving up. I am careful to keep moving and try to rest when I need to.
Steve had such a beautiful mantle; he was so protected as he crossed this country in that big truck. He never had an accident but assisted people who had. His belongings contained several extra blankets for just such occasions. I asked him why he had so many blankets on the truck. He replied, "To put around people in shock after an accident". He met so many people, and brought joy and comfort to those people God chose to bring into his path. You see he went fully under cover since his first heart attack. He only stepped where God told him to step, when he told him to step. He was walking blind and God led the way. Once or twice Steve tried to walk his own path, you see his sin nature was there with him too. He peeked out, and got slapped in the face so hard by the world that he wrapped that mantle around him twice.
We all need to be warm; the cold is not a comfortable place to be. Hypothermia lulls us to sleep so we can’t fulfill our destinies properly. We must keep our wits about us so we can help others realize they have a mantle too and they need just pull it up around them. Even if you feel your mantle has been tattered or is too dirty, it is still a source of warmth and protection. Pull it around you anyway, I bet it is nicer than freezing to death in the cold of the world. Besides, when you wake up out of your hypothermic sleep, our creator who never sleeps, will have repaired the mantle around you, or more likely given you a brand new one. He likes to replace dirty rags. Ever hear of beauty for ashes?
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