The Last Present

I will never sell or pack away the last present I ever got from Steve. We celebrated my 50^th birthday this year (yes I am not afraid to admit that) by going to Gatlinburg. It sounds much more exotic than it was. Steve wasn’t too into it because he had to drive. He was a driver for a living and when he was off the road, he wanted to flop at the house, mostly. Maybe then he was starting to show signs of more health issues, or maybe it was him warding off depression again, I just knew something was off. Steve was not enjoying my birthday as much as I wanted him to. I felt guilty and miserable, like I forced him to be somewhere he didn’t want to be.  I lied to everyone and told them it was great. I just tried to make the best of it  and backed off wanting more scenic adventures and just enjoyed our time together at the cabin mostly. We had some good moments, but Steve wasn’t hitting on too much and this made me uncomfortable.

We wandered into some cute craft shops looking for presents for the kids. At the pottery place I saw many nice things and could have taken them all home with me. Steve told me to pick out something for my birthday present to remember it by. So my frugal self goes to the most inexpensive things first and he wouldn’t have it. He was trying to direct me to the bigger items and I wouldn’t have that. So the Goldilocks in me settled on a hurricane lamp in the middle price range to add to my collection  and it was just right. He thought I should have gone higher, I knew I shouldn’t so I was just right on that too.  So just recently I have taken the opportunity to use it and will use it through our weekend. This is the last gift he ever gave to me and I will cherish it forever. it is my new ThankChristmas tradition.

Steve surprised me many times with his presents, some more hideous than others. I say this because once he brought a paperweight, (maybe?) home to me. It was a block of clear acrylic with a shrimp in it. When he gave it to me he was so proud, he honestly thought it would make me happy and think of Louisiana. Really? I tried to give that thing away and he got so hurt. It was about the silliest gift he ever brought home from the road. Once when he came home he jumped out of the truck with a huge box of Hershey’s chocolate bars with almonds. These were the king sized bars straight from Hershey and I was so thrilled. This was medicinal so it was a gift I could use. Then he brought out from behind his seat a beautiful bouquet of a dozen long stemmed yellow roses. They were the most fragrant yellow roses I ever smelled and were so healthy and lovely. He said he got them a few miles up the road from a place he stops at to fuel up. I was so excited by my beautiful gifts one for the senses, one for the soul. Then he told me to wait there he had to get the rest of his stuff from his truck. He proceeded to pull out 7 more bouquets of roses each as lovely as the next all different colors. I had red, pink, blue, peach, and even multicolored roses and the weight of them in my arms was too much for me. Steve had to carry them in the house while I carried the chocolate and that first bouquet of yellow roses. I had never had so many flowers at one time before or since and it does one good to be surrounded at least once in life with roses. The house smelled wonderful and my spirits were lifted at the pleasant reminders of his love for me.

He could still surprise me. Many of the things he bought on the road for his mobile home (as we called the truck sometimes) proved useful. I am using a thermometer that was sent with part of his belongings at this moment to check the air temperature in my house. My heat pump is not doing right and I think I may have to call a repair man. He had numerous flashlights and blankets and I can’t tell you how many reading glasses and towels. The man had so many towels and these are another one of those stupid things we fussed about. I said to him, “Darling, we have over sixty extra towels in this house, what on earth can we do with all of them” And he always replied “Don’t you sell my towels in another yard sale. I better have all my towels in the house when I go to check on them” I had made around sixty dollars at a friends yard sale just selling them at a dollar a piece. Steve was not too happy about me selling his hoard of towels. I had quite a few to sell last weekend as I removed them from the space bag I had to store them in. I think I snickered a time or two while selling them. Sorry darling, but seriously, what do we possibly need with so many towels?

Idiosyncrasies, I suppose we all have them. Mine was my craft room and the constant need to add more stuff to it. When the bedrooms emptied out after the kids left, he accused me of making all of those rooms craft rooms. He would start to look for something and would ask which craft room was it in. I want you to know, I did spread out after the kids left, but not to every bedroom with the crafts stuff. Steve loved to tease me and give me a hard time like I did with his towel collection. Once again, I understood my need for new and different craft things because you never knew what I may pick up to do. His need for more blue towels I never understood, what on earth, unless he was planning on starting a public bath facility that I didn’t know about?

The presents you gave to me were wonderful Steve, and I cherish them all, except for the shrimp of course. This Christmas will be hard for me. It will be our first one without presents to each other. I am very sad about that. I don’t want to think on it too long but I will be lighting the hurricane lamp and I will be thinking of you and the wonderful "presence" you will have this Christmas. I am glad you are having the best Christmas ever. Mine will sure be different and I hope to make the most of it. I am grateful for the gift of you for 29 years and your "presence" will be missed this year.